Is Having a Roster Just Modern Dating — or Emotional Hoarding?
- nicoledollhouse
- Aug 5
- 2 min read
Let’s talk about the “roster” — that curated little lineup of romantic maybes, ex-flings, good morning texters, and emotionally unavailable favorites you keep on rotation. In 2025, it’s practically a dating norm. But here’s the question:
Is having a roster just smart dating… or are we all just hoarding attention like it’s emotional currency?
The Case For the Roster: “I’m just keeping my options open.”
Modern dating tells us not to put all our eggs in one basket. With apps constantly refreshing and DMs always open, it makes sense to keep a few connections going. You don’t owe exclusivity to someone who hasn’t asked for it, right?
Plus, emotionally, it feels safer. You’re less likely to get overly attached to one person if you’ve got two other people sending you playlists and heart-eye emojis. Call it romantic risk management.
But Here’s the Flip Side: Emotional Hoarding is Real.
Having a roster can easily shift from playful to problematic. When you keep people around not because you like them, but because you like how they make you feel — that’s not dating, that’s emotional hoarding.
You’re collecting people for validation, not connection. You don’t really see a future with them… but you don’t want them to go either. You keep them on the hook with a “wyd” text once a week and a fire emoji here and there — just enough to keep the door open but never walk through it.
The Emotional Tab You’re Not Aware Of
What people don’t talk about is how exhausting it is to maintain a roster. The constant conversations. The check-ins. The energy it takes to keep your stories straight.
Also, eventually… everyone notices.
People feel when they’re just part of your bench. And if you’re being real with yourself — you can tell when you’re not prioritizing depth because you’re addicted to having options.
So, What’s the Answer?
A roster isn’t wrong. It’s not evil. But it gets murky when you use it to avoid loneliness or dodge vulnerability. If you’re dating for fun and transparency is there — cool. But if you’re stockpiling humans to avoid being alone with your feelings?
That’s not a roster. That’s a storage unit.
Your turn: Have you ever kept someone around “just in case”?
Let’s talk about it in the comments. No judgment — just real talk.
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